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no such thing as a long-term monogamous relationship

In today’s society there is almost no such thing as a long-term monogamous relationship. This does not mean one must have an affair, or two or three. However, It does mean that to stay wed, couples do best leaning to renegotiate who each has grown into at specific developmental junctures.  These renegotiating points include but may not be all:  after children are born, after they leave, menopause, any physical disability or change, a job or location move, getting older, etc. It is hard enough for most people to live peacefully with themselves some of the time; living at peace with another requires double the effort.  We teach many skills, self-awareness and communication are generally not among them.  As a practicing psychologist who has worked with couples for 2/3 of my life, I believe if couples considered working at intimacy  (and sexuality) with as much care as purchasing a new home or “giving at the office,” we might just have more fulfilled families as well as a more stable society.

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Posted in Communication After 50, How to Keep Your Relationship Alive, Intimacy, Sex After 50, Sex for Grownups.

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Tipper and Al Gore Announce Separation: Divorce is Not Green

Forty years is just shy of  two-thirds of each of their lives. They’ve lived together had children, grand children and of course a very public and influential life. Dr. Dorree will write more about what makes a couple separate after all these years together. In fact, I write about it in Sex For Grownups: Dr. Dorree Reveals the Truths, Lies and Must Tries for Great sex After 50. (Chapter Six Oh No Where Did My Lover Go?) But in the case of environmentalist and Nobel winning Al Gore, how could I not refer to the following article found on www.Fiftyand Furthermore.com and featured in our popular Going Green e-zine 2008.

Dr. Dorree Lynn, psychologist & James Gross, attorney

Divorce Is Not Green

Two can live as cheaply as one but not when it comes to divorce.  When a couple splits up, they need to heat and light two houses.  They use twice as much water.  They need two refrigerators and two stoves.  If children are involved there are the gasoline costs of visitation and even jet fuel if they live far enough apart.

A Michigan State University study by Jianguo “Jack” Liu and Eunice Yu has confirmed that divorce is bad for the environment.  Soaring divorce rates around the would have created more households with fewer people and consumed more resources like energy and water.

Among the findings of the study:

* In the United States alone in 2005, divorced households used 73 billion kilowatt-hours of electricity and 627 billion gallons of water that could have been saved had household size remained the same as that of married households. Thirty-eight million extra rooms were needed with associated costs for heating and lighting.

* In the United States and 11 other countries such as Brazil, Costa Rica, Ecuador, Greece, Mexico and South Africa between 1998 and 2002, if divorced households had combined to have the same average household size as married households, there could have been 7.4 million fewer households in these countries.

* The numbers of divorced households in these countries ranged from 40,000 in Costa Rica to almost 16 million in the United States around 2000.

* The number of rooms per person in divorced households was 33 percent to 95 percent greater than in married households.

Divorce increases world demand for water, space and energy.  It is an overlooked factor in climate change.  The environmental impact of divorce needs to be considered when look for ways to save the global environment.

The study also tracks what happens when people divorce and remarry.  The environmental footprint shrinks back to that of a married household.

This leads to the conclusion that if you want to save the world, stay married, live together or, if you are already divorced, find someone to remarry.

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10 Reasons For Grownups to Have ‘Sex And The City’ 1, 2, 3, : Or Sex In The Country or Anywhere:

Why would any Grownup bother watching Kim Cattrall as Samantha Jones, Sarah Jessica Parker as Carrie Bradshaw, Cynthia Nixonas Miranda Hobbes and Kristin Davis as Charlotte York in Sex and the City 2, when an over 50 knows how to stay home and do it themselves?

10 things a FiftyandFurthermore knows about Sex:

1. Their bedroom or local hotel is as good as anything in Abu Dhabi, a lot cheaper and easier to get to.

2. Stilettos are more comfortable lying down than standing up.

3. Liza Minnelli may be good, in Sex And the City, but gotta’ admit it, Judy Garland was better forever. (Unfortunately, Liza has had to live with the knowledge).

4. Biting, nibbling, touching, caressing are great parts of Sex.

5. Every mom  (and dad) needs a breather. Date nights are a must.

6. Good sex is good sex whatever your gender preference.

7. Menopause does not mean men-o-pause. There are many aids and lubes available to keep you body going and your vagina moist.

8. Sex is more than penetration and Mopy Dicks are normal sometimes.

9. Sexy is how you feel, not only how you look.

10. Sexy, sensual, juicy heat up the bedroom sex exists even if you are no longer an acrobat.

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Posted in Movie Reviews, Sex for Grownups reviews Sex and the CIty 2.

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